Sip, sip, sippin' on some Sizzzurp...
(This is a re-post because I saved it as a draft, and didn't publish it on the actual blog)
...I eat so many shrimp I got iodine poisnin'...That is a filthy rap song. Ps. I am downloading the "I Got the Hook-Up" theme song from that old movie with Master P. That is filthy rap at it's finest. All I'm sayin' is, make 'em say Ughhh!!
Well, you can put yesterday night in the record books for one of the most best nights...ever, albeit one of the strangest. Jeff Vanderboon moved up about 30 notches in my book yesterday for doing one of the greatest things in friend history. But, I am getting ahead of myself...here is a re-cap of my day...
6:30-8:00am- Lifted weights with J/GO eff's. We were minus one fatass one the account that he "stayed up too late". Fag.
9:45-6:00pm- Work. Accomplished less than nothing. Played a fuckload of "Bejeweled 2", skanked around on AllMSU and updated my facebook with a lot of people from The Wood. Had to cancel my date on account of the fact that I wouldn't have been able to get to EL in time. I am glad though, because the events that transpired later in the night were a million times cooler than whatever could have happend on that date. Oh yeah, and the date was with a 24-year old woman. I am the fuckin' man. We are re-scheduling.
6:00-10:00-ish- Geoff and I drive to Opie's, where we quickly decide that being there sucks because we can't find the damn remote for the DVR. Then, we drive to King's to have some fun on the rope. We had fun all right...for about 5 seconds. I flipped off it once, and then Opie took his turn. He swung off and hit his ass on the ground and shattered the round piece of wood in to two pieces (See: Fatass). We rough-housed in the water for the remainder of our time. Jeff and Ryan discussed going to Armada strictly to rub in our faces (I believe so, anyway) that we could not go because of work (see:Assholes). We stopped playing in the water, because the swing was broke, and it got old beating the hell out of each other. We drove to the new Wal-Mart where they are apparently slashing prices all day everyday and checked out the Ionia trim, affectionately known by Opie as "River Rats". Yeah, turns out, all the finest white trash of Ionia shop there. Geoff and I picked up some 5-quart oil tanks for our cars.
-10 quarts of oil- $9.88
-Seeing the hot twat that resides in Ionia- Priceless
I want to move to Ionia. I would get laid all the time. We went from thurr to Pizza Hut. We spent most of the time being loud and stupid because we were the only people there. Our waitress was Jana (or Yana, I don't know if it was a soft J or not), she was a good sport. We got a discounted salad bar (thank God, $1.99 is much to expensive for a salad bar). Anyway... after a while of eating salad, cinnimon sticks, a fuckload of pizza, and harassing Jana, we broke out.
10:30pm- History was made. Boundaries were shattered. Friendships crossed over from just friendships in to the uncharted waters of brotherhood (except with Geoff, because, of course, he is already my brother, as some of you know). Jeff stopped at the famed Shirleys. Yes, Shirleys truck stop and dirty pirate hooker bar.
Cut to Shirley's. Jeff (after some very persuasive cooing) stayed in the car. Opie, Geoff, and I went in to the filthiest place of all time and waited for Hillard to show up. We flipped through huge collections of the dirtiest shit I have ever seen in my life. I have never been so happy. They had a dildo there called the man-handler. It was like 6 inches in diameter, with about 13 inches long. Needless to say, only a very cavernous vagina could take that. It was there the last time I was at Shirleys, looks like no one has stepped up to the plate quite yet. So, Hillard arrives 15 minutes later, and I payed for Geoff and Opie's cover to the fuckin' crypt-keeper and went in to the famed "back room". Yeah, a big screen tv was showing very explicit pornography. I love this place. So, they explain the rules to us which boiled down to "Don't finger the strippers, and don't masturbate on them, either", and then the dancing begins. First stripper is...um...older. But she had a big rack and even bigger ass. So, I liked it. She was all shaking her titties and this dirty old guy put a twenty in his mouth and the stipper comes up and sandwhiches the money between her boobs, thus placing her boobs dangerously close to the guy's face. Then, Geoff pulls a power move and follows suit, so the stipper went down the line and titty-kissed Geoff, me, Opie, and Hillard...for four dollars. She got done with her dance, and then the other stripper came out (who was much younger, and had really big hips...I would have done her if she wasn't a dirty pirate hooker). She starts dancing and starts shaking her vag in my face, so I tipped her a dollar, and she got another cool three dollars from the suave motherfuckers I was with. I could tell she was pissed when she got done, she had just did a big long dance for about 4 dollars. After that she propositioned us to get private dances for 20 bucks. If I would have had the cash, I definately would have paid the first stripper for a little private dancing and maybe a handjob. I am kidding, that would be the filthiest thing ever if you went back there and had a Shirley's stripper whack you off in a skanky back room. Oh, and you're paying her. That's the dirty part. That place is not as bad as everyone says. It's classy. PS. Geoff, Opie and I are going to the Vu on Friday, if anyone is interested in going with us, that would be spectacular. This is the public invite.
And, now, here I am in reality. Geoff and I are at work whilst Jeff is more or likely in Armada eating delicious food, swimming, swinging, playing football, and hanging out with that gorgeous Olivia girl. She was smokin'. Oh yeah, and enjoying the beautiful weather. Pretty much, when I woke up this morning, I got hit in the face with a huge reality penis. I am pissed off because my memory stick and my credit card have not come in the mail yet. I really want that memory stick to come in. It would make work go by a lot faster.
GODDAMNIT I AM SO FUCKING PISSED I AM AT WORK TODAY!!
So, anyway, I am working every single day this week. I am supposed to have Saturday off so I can help this girl move, but I am a sneaking suspicion that the higher ups are going to snatch that little bit of freedom from me. They may be able to take away my free day, but the way I wear my hat? No. No one can take that from me. I have to have the 18th and 19th off because of my AOP at State. So, thank God. But, the overtime pay here isn't too bad. Clocked in about 46-ish hours this week. Overtime is time and a half, and I guess I can sit in front of a computer for $15.17 an hour.
Anyway, that is all for now. Let is all sink in. Get XXX'd.
- The Notorious A.L.A.N.
...I eat so many shrimp I got iodine poisnin'...That is a filthy rap song. Ps. I am downloading the "I Got the Hook-Up" theme song from that old movie with Master P. That is filthy rap at it's finest. All I'm sayin' is, make 'em say Ughhh!!
Well, you can put yesterday night in the record books for one of the most best nights...ever, albeit one of the strangest. Jeff Vanderboon moved up about 30 notches in my book yesterday for doing one of the greatest things in friend history. But, I am getting ahead of myself...here is a re-cap of my day...
6:30-8:00am- Lifted weights with J/GO eff's. We were minus one fatass one the account that he "stayed up too late". Fag.
9:45-6:00pm- Work. Accomplished less than nothing. Played a fuckload of "Bejeweled 2", skanked around on AllMSU and updated my facebook with a lot of people from The Wood. Had to cancel my date on account of the fact that I wouldn't have been able to get to EL in time. I am glad though, because the events that transpired later in the night were a million times cooler than whatever could have happend on that date. Oh yeah, and the date was with a 24-year old woman. I am the fuckin' man. We are re-scheduling.
6:00-10:00-ish- Geoff and I drive to Opie's, where we quickly decide that being there sucks because we can't find the damn remote for the DVR. Then, we drive to King's to have some fun on the rope. We had fun all right...for about 5 seconds. I flipped off it once, and then Opie took his turn. He swung off and hit his ass on the ground and shattered the round piece of wood in to two pieces (See: Fatass). We rough-housed in the water for the remainder of our time. Jeff and Ryan discussed going to Armada strictly to rub in our faces (I believe so, anyway) that we could not go because of work (see:Assholes). We stopped playing in the water, because the swing was broke, and it got old beating the hell out of each other. We drove to the new Wal-Mart where they are apparently slashing prices all day everyday and checked out the Ionia trim, affectionately known by Opie as "River Rats". Yeah, turns out, all the finest white trash of Ionia shop there. Geoff and I picked up some 5-quart oil tanks for our cars.
-10 quarts of oil- $9.88
-Seeing the hot twat that resides in Ionia- Priceless
I want to move to Ionia. I would get laid all the time. We went from thurr to Pizza Hut. We spent most of the time being loud and stupid because we were the only people there. Our waitress was Jana (or Yana, I don't know if it was a soft J or not), she was a good sport. We got a discounted salad bar (thank God, $1.99 is much to expensive for a salad bar). Anyway... after a while of eating salad, cinnimon sticks, a fuckload of pizza, and harassing Jana, we broke out.
10:30pm- History was made. Boundaries were shattered. Friendships crossed over from just friendships in to the uncharted waters of brotherhood (except with Geoff, because, of course, he is already my brother, as some of you know). Jeff stopped at the famed Shirleys. Yes, Shirleys truck stop and dirty pirate hooker bar.
Cut to Shirley's. Jeff (after some very persuasive cooing) stayed in the car. Opie, Geoff, and I went in to the filthiest place of all time and waited for Hillard to show up. We flipped through huge collections of the dirtiest shit I have ever seen in my life. I have never been so happy. They had a dildo there called the man-handler. It was like 6 inches in diameter, with about 13 inches long. Needless to say, only a very cavernous vagina could take that. It was there the last time I was at Shirleys, looks like no one has stepped up to the plate quite yet. So, Hillard arrives 15 minutes later, and I payed for Geoff and Opie's cover to the fuckin' crypt-keeper and went in to the famed "back room". Yeah, a big screen tv was showing very explicit pornography. I love this place. So, they explain the rules to us which boiled down to "Don't finger the strippers, and don't masturbate on them, either", and then the dancing begins. First stripper is...um...older. But she had a big rack and even bigger ass. So, I liked it. She was all shaking her titties and this dirty old guy put a twenty in his mouth and the stipper comes up and sandwhiches the money between her boobs, thus placing her boobs dangerously close to the guy's face. Then, Geoff pulls a power move and follows suit, so the stipper went down the line and titty-kissed Geoff, me, Opie, and Hillard...for four dollars. She got done with her dance, and then the other stripper came out (who was much younger, and had really big hips...I would have done her if she wasn't a dirty pirate hooker). She starts dancing and starts shaking her vag in my face, so I tipped her a dollar, and she got another cool three dollars from the suave motherfuckers I was with. I could tell she was pissed when she got done, she had just did a big long dance for about 4 dollars. After that she propositioned us to get private dances for 20 bucks. If I would have had the cash, I definately would have paid the first stripper for a little private dancing and maybe a handjob. I am kidding, that would be the filthiest thing ever if you went back there and had a Shirley's stripper whack you off in a skanky back room. Oh, and you're paying her. That's the dirty part. That place is not as bad as everyone says. It's classy. PS. Geoff, Opie and I are going to the Vu on Friday, if anyone is interested in going with us, that would be spectacular. This is the public invite.
And, now, here I am in reality. Geoff and I are at work whilst Jeff is more or likely in Armada eating delicious food, swimming, swinging, playing football, and hanging out with that gorgeous Olivia girl. She was smokin'. Oh yeah, and enjoying the beautiful weather. Pretty much, when I woke up this morning, I got hit in the face with a huge reality penis. I am pissed off because my memory stick and my credit card have not come in the mail yet. I really want that memory stick to come in. It would make work go by a lot faster.
GODDAMNIT I AM SO FUCKING PISSED I AM AT WORK TODAY!!
So, anyway, I am working every single day this week. I am supposed to have Saturday off so I can help this girl move, but I am a sneaking suspicion that the higher ups are going to snatch that little bit of freedom from me. They may be able to take away my free day, but the way I wear my hat? No. No one can take that from me. I have to have the 18th and 19th off because of my AOP at State. So, thank God. But, the overtime pay here isn't too bad. Clocked in about 46-ish hours this week. Overtime is time and a half, and I guess I can sit in front of a computer for $15.17 an hour.
Anyway, that is all for now. Let is all sink in. Get XXX'd.
- The Notorious A.L.A.N.
posted by Alan @ 1:24 PM
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